Anyone who has been involved in any kind of 12-step program will know that the first step is to admit our powerlessness. Whether it be over alcohol or drugs or even controlling others, the journey towards recovery begins with an admission of personal powerlessness and the unmanageability of our lives. This truth is the foundation of hope. We have all been confronted with this truth in these past weeks of isolation. We have found ourselves to be powerless over a virus that has stalked us. Where we thought we once had control over how to conduct our lives we find ourselves now at the mercy of news reports, hoping, praying for some glimmer of hope, some ray of sunshine that this time will end. We are no longer free to just wander about our lives but must socially distance. We cannot meet with whomever we wish or freely go wherever we might wish.
But control is only ever an illusion. Breaking my ankle (for the second time!) was a stark reminder to me about powerlessness. I like to think I can control my physical health and life. There is a great deal we can do to enhance our wellbeing, but we are ultimately not in control of our bodies. Sometimes bones break just because. As a wise friend said: sometimes life sucks. Nor are we in control of our world as COVID-19 has shown us. As I reflect upon my life these past 8 weeks of isolation and now keeping my feet up, it has served as a sober reminder that I cannot, indeed should not, try to control every aspect of my life by sheer force of will and routine. I am powerless, and I must acknowledge this to be so. As the Sage said, “It is all meaningless, a chasing of the wind.”
That can be fearsome. Or it can help guide me, you, us towards a greater truth and a new hope. Because although our powerlessness is true, we are in control of how we respond to events. That is because of the second of the Twelve Steps: we come to believe that God or a Higher Power can restore us to sanity. That is where I find God in this. Contrary to what some have said, COVID-19 is not something God has inflicted upon us in wrath. Nor is it an opportunity God is using in some plot to get our attention. But it does present to us all, on a world-wide scale and in the individual moments of our lives, a time to acknowledge truth and turn to the One who can lead us through this. The One who can restore sanity to our world. For God created this world and everyone in it and has clear ideas about how it should be run. Things like caring for the migrant and those who are disadvantaged. Or stewarding the Creation we have been placed in. It’s all there for us in the great owner’s manual called the Bible.
For me, right now, remaining confined to home by the pandemic AND a broken ankle, crying out my powerlessness to God creates a new space in my heart that is open to a different way of being. Hopefully less swept along by the frenetic pace and more called by the God of grace. More willing to listen, to see where God is and follow where God leads. Perhaps to ponder the truth of Jesus’ gracious invitation:
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
